When You Think You Have Nothing to Give

Recently I was invited to bring a friend to a taping of “The Dr. Drew Show,” which was a trial taping on our area.  I had no idea what to expect. They think it went well, I hope it did. I found it to be an amazing experience, but for me the truth of that experience was far greater than a share in the market or efficiency for producing. It was about meeting the bottom line of my faith and God pushed me there gently but firmly. He orchestrated the day so masterfully and beautifully. From the delightful visit with my friend and my husband at lunch that day to receiving that particular pre-scripted question in an interview segment.  The topic abortion, the question to be asked, “Would you ever have another abortion?”  This was not some place I wanted to go after loosing our baby. I thought I can’t go there I have religious feelings, I have moral feelings that won’t be listened to.  The question I had was ridiculously lame compared to enormity of the topic.  I would never ask that question. Then I heard God the Father strongly – “Do this, it will be all right.” 

This girl I was to ask this of is a counselor at an abortion clinic, who found herself accidentally pregnant, her solution – to have an abortion, but not just an abortion.  She stated that her desire was to video a “happy” abortion and share it on YouTube. Mouth open stunned – literally – no – words. 
I found out right before I walked to the mike that our questions were not to be a discussion topic after a Skyped interview, but a live interview with this person herself.  An exchange – LIVE. 
When we got over to the wings from the audience the cue man said we are running low on time and might not get to all the questions as planned. The other two people who had been given the questions sounded like theirs would  be useful than mine, so I offered to skip mine, but God had other plans. The producer came up to us and said go up in the order you’re standing, that put me first.  I blanched – I had nothing to say of substance – immediately I remembered our joy at finding out we were pregnant and my delivering Olivia’s lifeless body and God gave me the words “Tell them I lost my baby last year, I was pregnant for the first time at 44. Tell them that.”  I started to tear up. I looked at the cue man, I think he and the producer just thought it was because they presumed I would rant sensationally. They had no idea, neither did they even come close to my feelings. I asked if I had to read it straight or could add to it. The cue guy said you can say whatever you want I looked up and told him about losing my only baby, feeling myself tear up. He stopped and put his hand on my back “yes, but you don’t have to.” Trust me I didn’t want to share that and I had no idea how what else I would say to follow up. But I prayed – your words Father not mine. 
To be honest I don’t remember the entire exchange, but here is what I remember…Telling the girl my story; her saying a few things back to me; the crowd around me reacting in shock as she said something in return.  I heard the audience react, but I didn’t hear her words.  It was like God blocked the distraction of her words and gave me what I needed to answer.  I do remember feeling incredulous at how she described other women who had abortions as grieving their loss and she wanted to tell them how easy it was…And the words from God flowed…”These women are grieving a loss?” I asked her “Loss of what?”  She couldn’t answer I did, “The loss of a life given to them by God.”  That was the end of that taping. 
My friend who was with me said there wasn’t a dry eye in the room, that standing there at that microphone, she said I put a face and a reality on the discussion – the precious gift that is life.  I know it wasn’t me alone, it was God, and it was Olivia. 
I hope that girl heard God’s message for her, I can’t presume to know what it was, but I know He was speaking.   I know a number of people, the host, the producer, celebrity panelists, crew and audience participants came up to hug me, thanked me, I was told, “I think the message was heard.”  A number of people came to me and shared their own stories of miscarriage, barrenness, giving a baby up for adoption, standing up for work for ProLife. I told each person how God did this, God led me. I don’t know if the show will ever be aired, but God allowed so many people present to be touched, by a moment where I was scared and really thought I had nothing to give.   God took my open heart like he took a few loaves and fish, and He made it enough for that crowd, enough for me. 
It was a powerful experience and it helped to reinforce to me to always be willing to go where He leads and He can redeem any situation.  You don’t have to feel ready, He will make you so. All you have to do is to be open to share what He’s given you.  

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Deborah says:

    I’m in tears just reading this. You have such special stories to share with the world. You are a vessel for Gods words


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