If you’ve wondered how we’re doing, We’re dealing day-to-day and we’re processing. The sun still shines between the showers and we’re back to work and doing what living asks. Obviously we grieve our personal loss, and the loss of who she could have been in time to the world. The less obvious issue and more to the truth of it for me specifically is that I was having a hard time accepting God’s will, a very human issue. At my most miserable, I was flatly refusing this part of my cross.
I was miserable when Jeff died, obvious reason my husband died. Less obvious I was struggling with the idea that we had been cheated us out of what was to be our future together, what was taken away, stolen. However, it came to me after much prayer that we were only supposed to go so far in this life, and no farther. Once I accepted it, I could begin to find peace and heal and live. I thought it was a different reason with this grief over losing Olivia, but at its root it’s the same. And again I have to learn to accept, Brian might say it differently, but he’s working it out too. Together we will get to a place of peace, he is an amazing man.
There are concrete things we can do – getting back to praying daily the “Suscipe” of Ignatius of Loyola and meaning it. The focus of that prayer and releasing of my wants to accept God’s will healed me and helped me to move on last time. I think that is the way to continue healing. That and the support of your prayers and love for which we are very grateful.
Take Lord and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding, and my entire will,
all I have and possess.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord I return it.
All is Yours; dispose of it wholly according to Your will.
Give me Your love and Your grace, for this is sufficient for me.