We’re like a stretch of road you see being worked on all the time. “Didn’t they just fix that already?” We don’t understand, and we often struggle because we keep trying to control the process..trying to get our hands around it and make it be what “I” can handle – what a joke! That’s probably why it just finally takes over.
I thought I had moved on and my life with Jeff had become only a memory….what I didn’t realize is that there is more to do and how incredibly powerful memories can be. There is so much love all around us, but the devil is so good at making us think we’re alone and that we can handle things alone. He perverts relationships and tries to hide us from God’s grace-filled kisses, but God is the most unrelenting of lovers, waiting patiently, biding His time, believing in us and knowing we can always turn back to Him.
Now I see that I not only have to let in the love as much as possible and love myself – that’s hard, but also allow myself to be humbled. That’s how we win against the devil. It’s what we’re called to become, holy and it takes a lifetime and a lot of workers to show you the way and give you a hand with the heavy stuff.
It’s amazing when you do surrender, “lay down” your burden how much more clearly you can see Him working around you, through you, with you. When He told me at the Eucharistic Congress in Adoration this summer “You are broken, you must wait. I am fixing you for another.” I thought mistakenly, humanly He meant “fixed”of this grief process.
It’s dawning on me that He meant my soul…which is extremely important, but definitely different, I thought it was a package deal. “Fixed” soul with side of healed from grieving…
But I’m learning that the grief process is a deepness that I need to be aware of, but not run over by and it doesn’t need to be “fixed.” It’s something you continue to live through and in time through God’s grace if you offer it to Him every day, He will continue to transform it into something else, something good, something redeemed…And meanwhile my soul is healed and is being joined to another…And that’s a beautiful story for another posting.