I want to share these with you my sisters who read this blog, and I’m a little afraid to share it on the page on Jeff’s blog, but something is telling me that I should share my expeirence.
I got the answer to the question this morning. The timing of all this coming together is incredible and I just am in awe of God and how wonderous He is.
I am reading St. Teresa of Avila’s Interior Castle (translated and edited by E.Allison Peers, Dover Publications Inc. New York, 2007) and currently she is describing the difference between sweetness in prayer and spiritual consolations, both good and fill the soul with joy – contentment. Sweetness of prayer, seems to bring Peace and calm to the soul and you can feel it resonating and settling there and is wonderful in itself.
But this is the part that made me snap to attention, because I wasn’t sure how to put into words what was happened exactly and until I read this (48, cf7)… ” Cum dilatasti cor meum Psalm 32 “when thou didst enlarge my heart.”
” I do not think that this happiness has its source in the heart at all. It arises in a much more interior part, like something of which the springs are very deep; I think this must be the center of the soul…from our very depths – it proceeds to spread within us and cause an interior dilation and produce ineffable blessings, so that the soul itself cannot understand all that it receives there. The fragrance it experiences, we might say, is as if in those interior depths there were a brazier on which were cast sweet perfumes; the light cannot be seen, nor the place where it dwells, but the fragrant smoke and the heat penetrate the entire soul, and very often the effects extend even to the body.” (53,54)
I am so grateful and beyond words awed at this opportunity of blessing, because I know I am so unworthy of such a gift. I don’t think I’m great, actually quite the opposite. I marvel that at the same time He is Gracing us with these Beauties and abilities to see Him He is helping us learn to be content with for me specifically that it’s O.K. not being able to figure Him out.
I do nothing to merit any Beauty or Grace that is happening while travel this journey which to the world we live in may be only seen as only pain and loss, but there is so much more to gain and learn from it. There will be much sorrow, but it is nothing compared to the Joy! We have got to open our hearts to be touched by that Joy, because that is what will remain and God does not want us to live in pain and fear. That is what I Know today.