From the Linda Report new page- The Linda Report, I felt I needed to share what wonders God is working in my life as well, but as a number of people want to read about Jeff I set it apart.
7-20-10 What I thought I knew, I now Know
I thought I “knew” some things, for instance, that God loves me. But like so much of life, what I thought I “knew” I really didn’t “know.” It seemed to start a couple of days ago…
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with Living life in relation to cancer, fear and things at work, my position, how to answer questions or put out the multitude of fires that felt out of control.
Sunday at least three friends stopped, looked me in the eye and told me they loved me. Friends telling me they love me or me telling friends I love them isn’t so unusual, which is a real blessing. At first I thought, “that’s nice,” but these experiences were different somehow, not quite able to put my finger on it, but I had an inkling that it was a deeper meaning.
However, instead of panicking as I have done often before, I stopped and I prayed, a little. Then when the anxiousness wasn’t lessened, I gave in and really surrendered it. And Monday a conversation from a source who surprised me led to an extraordinary moment.
The person in conversation with me said “You’re judging yourself by the obstacles put in your path. It’s like a marathon runner who finishes the race. Sure that’s great, but I respect much more the runner who’s carrying a 10lb weight in each hand and only goes part way, but goes.”
Something inside shifted a little.
I went home to tend to what Jeff needed me to do. When I had finished and took him to work, I headed to my office…But didn’t make it back into the office. It was amazing in a “God-incidence” kind of way because as I was coming down Parker Rd. and had just asked myself, “why am I going back down there?” the reminder on my phone went off and she told me “Mass with Adoration and Evening Prayer in 15 minutes, Day Chapel.” I felt it in my heart, “that’s why” and there was no question left.
I got to the Day Chapel and as the Mass began and I started to feel that now familiar and so warming “I love the Mass”, I just love it. But this time it started expanding in my soul and it continued through Evening Prayer. I became so aware of being in a community and not alone. It’s hard to put it into words, but then in Adoration my heart and head was so full of Praise. I was overwhelmed as I gazed at the Blessed Sacrament in the Monstrance, and what had been expanding in my soul hit me like a bulldozer ” I Love Him (Jesus). Oh how I Love Him and He Loves me too!” Clearly, concretely, tangibly, fully – Whoa!
When I picked Jeff up, and he asked me what I did, I told him the progression of my revelation. I got to the part smiling tearfully, about how I now Know that God Loves me he said, “I know He does” and it hit me. The love that Jeff and I were given to share, sacramental Love won’t end. Jeff will always be with me in that Love.
Wow, what will I Know tomorrow?